Still here!

It's been so long since I been on here. But I have learned a lot about myself
over the last few months that I think is worth putting out there. So here goes.

 
            The first being that once you start loosing weight, you start really
living! I know that I have been living in the have always done things for basic
survival: eating, breathing, sleeping, going to work, paying the bills etc. I
wasn't having very much fun. Not that having fun is a must. But there has been a
serious lack of Joy. Happy and successful people take the time enjoy eating,
enjoy working, and they get joy out of other things they do. Why else would they
do them?
            Not that everything has been miraculously more enjoyable since
surgery. By no means is that true.  Yet despite my attempts at being like my old
cranky, tired and unhappy self to prove I wasn't going to totally change. I did.
I am at that point where I enjoy going to work. I enjoy having the energy to get
up and get ready for work and not be totally winded before I get there. Eating
now days is a bit of a pain the butt. But that's okay. If it was too easy, I
wouldn't have lost the weight I have to now.
            I also enjoy moving around and being active. Ironically, I miss so
very much. Back in the 1st week of august I fell and broke my foot.  I know who
does that? Well apparently I do. Not a big deal in many ways, but very much so
in the grand scheme of things. I have been none weight bearing since then. No
walking, no standing, no treadmill, no exercise bike, no swimming. No fun! And
my 6 and 8 yr old nephews were to come to visit 2 days after I fell. I thought I
just sprained it, so I failed to mention it to my sister not to bring them. It
turned out well though, between the boys and my 4 yr old niece I have plenty of
little helpers for Aunt Jenn.
            I have decided there is a plus side. It has been a struggle being
non-weight bearing for so very long. I have been using crutches, a front wheeled
walker and a wheelchair. Crutches are not easy, nor fun. In a word, exhausting!
The walker is not much easier. The wheelchair is easier but cumbersome to use.
It's easy to get around in if you live in a place free of stairs, wide open
spaces and made specifically for someone who is 3 feet tall. But I got really
good at making that chair fly. I can roll the fastest at work on the linoleum
floors. Patients were even calling me speedy Gonzales. J
            I even started school in my wheels. Yup, I finally put my money
where my mouth is and started back to school at NMC this semester. For a short
time I was given the go ahead to start walking. And after 3 wks of rolling into
the classroom in a wheelchair, I walked in. I tried to get there early so I
could test the waters. By that I mean, see if I fit into a desk. Of course this
was an emotional thought. What if I don't? What if a lot of people can see me
try and not fit? And worst of all, What if I get, dare I say, get stuck?!
That was not the case. I fit! I fit! I fit in a regular desk at the local
college. Even better, I have room between me and my desktop!
            There is a light at the end of the tunnel at least. I had a screw
put into the broken bone on Fri Oct 1st. It was time to do something. It has
been 2 months and it was only 25% healed.  I can't wait to get upright again. I
guess my arms are will continue to get stronger until then. Even though I am
supposed to still be staying off my foot, I did walk into class again today.
It's hard to go back to the chair. I have been good other than that though.

            Hopefully when I see Dr K next week I will get a fill. It's been so
long because after I broke my foot I had a lot of problems with food. It turns
out; it's not so easy to eat when you are sitting all the time. Your stomach is
scrunched up more than usual, and the water retention sucks. Not really a good
mix with a lap band in place.

 
So until next time, I will do my best to keep on track and stay positive.
Until next time
~Princess Jenn~

Attitude is everything!

Hi there!
So the past few months I have not been doing a whole lot of work on this blog. But I have been working on something a lot more important. Of course, really keeping this blog is important for many reasons. Mainly that even if nobody ever reads it, I know that I have put my thoughts and feelings out there not only for someone going through the same journey but I have them for myself to look back on.
But I’m jumping around. Which is totally like me and unlike me. I have a friend who constantly changes subjects in the middle of a conversation and expects me to know what she’s talking about. Really, I think she’s testing me to make sure I’m paying attention. (Yes, I mean you Sharon J). I do pretty well at keeping up to what she is referring to if I say so myself. I think it comes from having a good memory.
So the work I’ve been doing that’s more important than this blog? Being fabulous! Like the title of this blog is attitude, that’s what I have been working on. Besides being at my job that pays me. Which, had my attitude not been better these days, I would NOT be able to handle the extra hours & work that have come my way!
With loosing weight I have gained so much. Mainly the best thing is a better attitude. And that goes along with the other thing I have been working on. Living life. I have some quotes that keep popping into my head like a bad pop song in the middle of a long day.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” – Charles Swindoll

And another one I love that I hear frequently at work (I work on a Physical Rehab Unit)

“The only disability in life is a bad attitude” – Scott Hamilton

Just like I have made the decision to not exercise, not eat right in the past. I am trying to make a conscience effort to live by the 1st quote. What a difference it makes. Lately, to say the least, my life has been crazy! From living arrangements, to being a full time aunt (see living arrangements lol) to work and oh, yeah this horrible pain I have been having. Which I will know more about after I see Dr K. tomorrow and see the results of my HIDA Scan that was done last week. We’re thinking my gallbladder doesn’t like me anymore & it feels it shouldn’t have to work right anymore. Time will tell, maybe it will need to come out. But hey, then I would get a nice paid for vacation during the summer. Like I said, how you react to it.
Another thing I have been thinking about is how over time people have often said things like “they didn’t talk to me when I was heavy and now that I’m thin I am worth their time. No way, don’t need them”. Well I know this because I always thought it would be that way. That my time would come and I could snub those who snubbed me! Then WHAM it hit me! I have a breakthrough thought. Oh a breakdown, who knows. I realize now that when I was at my heaviest I was also at my unhappiest. I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me either! I was very UNAPPROACHABLE. I know this know.
Yes, there are those who saw my weight as the reason not to talk to or try to befriend me. But I should give others the benefit of the doubt and try to consider that maybe it wasn’t how I physically looked that turned them away but the way I presented myself to others. Another good point, they may not even recognize the new thinner, brighter, happier person you have become to who and what you used to be.
As usual, I have rambled on. It’s a good thing I’m typing this otherwise I could go on forever. Trust me, I can get fired up about this (and boy can I! lol )

Until next time from a lighter and happier
~Princess Jenn~

May 4th, 2010. { -100lbs }

1st Movie since weight loss :)

So it's been over a week since this happened but I went to see a movie. As someone who has been overweight I have always dreaded going to the movie theater. Lets not even give the thought about the price being a factor. But I gotta say, Holy Smokes!! I couldn't afford to go often anyway. It's a good thing I been to embarrassed to go for so long. I would be even poorer than I am now. Anyway, moving on. Well like I'm sure most overweight people have done in the same scenario is worry the experience to no end. How big are the seats, will there be enough room?, can I even fit in the seat?, If so will I be comfortable. Lets not even give the whole dating thing a shot here, because lets face it as someone who has been single for a while that opens up a whole can of worms about the not wanting to eat with someone I don't know and then worrying about not fitting comfortably in the seat at the theater. Because also as being overweight you don't want to even think about having to do anything physical, like walking to show the opposite sex just exactly how out of shape you really are when you winded going up a flight of stairs.
Again, moving on. this a positive post. So I met a co-worker for some resale shopping, lunch (kinda awkward cuz I can't really eat that much) and then a movie. Shutter Island.
Awesome, awesome, awesome!~ And the movie was good too. What a day! I made my way to the seat and did the whole, put the seat down 1st, so I could sit on the edge then slide back between the arm rests and not get stuck. I did not realize until after I had to get back up for something and when I sat back down I DIDNT have to slide between the arm rests. I fit in the seat! I fit comfortably in my seat. In fact, my seat was really roomy. I don't remember ever going to a movie and having a roomy seat. It wasn't very comfy in all aspects. I mean, I really never did have much of a butt and so I couldn't sit still without. So sorry to whomever sat behind me. I really don't mean to have to squirm, just cant help it :) What an amazing feeling. What a day it was. I am still not very comfortable in my own skin but I am getting closer. :)
But for now, I need to close. I am way beyond tired now. I have tons more to say but I truly should not be typing more tonight because I prefer for my my posts to make sense, lol

Until next time,
~Princess Jenn~

Progress Pictures { -83.25lbs }

Feeling fantastic after my fill & losing lbs!

This New Year is certainly off to a great start. I have been having much more of a life.
1st things first. We had out night at the great wolf lodge two weeks ago. My mother gets a room for the family and while the parents are partying away with her coworkers the rest of us get to go to the water park. Now this year was a little different since little Richaliyah BKA Chickadee came along. She was only 2 ½ months old. But we all took turns passing the baby around so sister Michelle and my 4 yr old niece Adrianna AKA Sassafras could play in the water as well.
Well last year my dad talked me into going down the waterslide. I was petrified at the thought of doing again. Also as someone who has been morbidly obese all her adult life didn’t think they would let me go alone, let alone both of us together. They did. The weight limit was 500lbs for this particular slide. My dad and I being a good 60 lbs over that combined was a little frightening to me. Then you add in my fear of heights. Boy o, boy! But those crazy lifeguards Okayed us to go down together. There was no way I way I was going by myself. I may be an independent gal but I can admit I’m a scaredy cat most of the time. This is was no exception. Now this is where being heavier does come in handy for those speed seekers out there. The heavier you are, the faster those tubes go. We made it down to the bottom of the slide in no time. I was fearful for that and grateful too. I wanted no part in that thing ever again. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I was reminded of this when my Dad and I were making our way up to the same exact water slide for the 3rd or 4th time at my request. He turned to me and said, “Where did you get your nerve all of a sudden?!” Then he reminded me that after our attempt the year before, I said never again would I go near that crazy thing again.
It’s amazing what loosing 80 lbs does for a girl’s confidence level. Now I didn’t jump right at the chance to go down again when my Sassafras asked me if I would go down the slide with her “Just you and me, k?” I know, I know, I sounded like a mean old aunt when I said maybe as I was hoping and praying she wouldn’t ask again and therefore I wouldn’t have to do it.
So on that fateful Sunday at the Great Wolf Lodge when my dad asked me if wanted to leave my nice comfy spot in the hot tub to climb 3 flights of stairs to go down a slide I was afraid of the year before I just said maybe. Then about an hr later it dawned on me. Wait a second you big chicken. You had Surgery to loose weigh and to gain a life. I figured what did I have to loose. And this time, with out combined weight loss since the previous year we were under the 500 lb weight limit to ride.
By the end of the day, I had made it down the waterslides a total of 8 times. (Which means I walked up 24 flights of stairs to make it down 8 times) I didn’t get up the nerve to go alone. I really wanted to but by the time I got my nerve up I had to get home to let my dog out. But I did go down with my niece just like she asked me to do! Ended up she was more scared than I was after we got to the bottom. Turns out with me on it versus her mother it was much faster.
I’m still afraid of heights and I still have lot of weight to lose but I gained a lot of nerve that day!
Until next time~Princess Jenn~

I ache so much, but I feel so good

After working this last couple days all I really wanted to do was rest and enjoy my afternoon off. Go with a friend to a quick dinner (course with my band there is no longer is such a thing as a quick meal.) and get some shopping done for the week and hit the hot tub. Well I got 2 out of 3 done. The weather kinda put a damper on plans. Not that I mind driving in the snow. Ok, so now I am not nearly as fond of it some people. So rather that risk life and limb to soak in the hottub we made it home early. This also because I knew what awaited me at home with my parents out of town. Tons of snow (about a foot) still sitting in my driveway waiting for me to get home to get it done. Now it wasn’t so much the snow sitting in my driveway as the amount of hard packed snow sitting at the top of my driveway by the snowplow. This wouldn’t be a big deal if I had a nice level driveway. But of course, I have a driveway that goes downhill. So after the snow is done blowing and drifting, my driveway happens to look level. Ha!~
But again my concern was the snow packed by the plows at my approach. I probably could have (as my dad suggested) lined up with my driveway and plowed straight back into my yard and made it into the spot I normally park. Where you could still see evidence my car had once been parked 10 hrs earlier. I gave my options some thought with the resulting scenarios.
1) Back in as suggested by dad and get in just fine and unpack my purchases and head to a relaxing night as planned.
2) Back in as suggested by dad and risk getting stuck halfway into my driveway on the hard snowplowed snow in my approach. Spend hours shoveling heavy snow after from my car and still have to carry my purchases into the house immediately followed by collapsing on the couch (yet again!) with sheer exhaustion.
3) Park the ~Princess Mobile~ on the road for a while and start to shovel my driveway of my own freewill and remove the hard snowplowed snow before entering my yard.

As you can probably tell my my post title I did number 3. Plus doggone it I did more. After clearing out my approach by the road and making my way down to my porch and back twice with the shovel I decided to do a little bit more since I was already out there. I was already going to be sweaty and sore when I was done so why not make it worth it. And I did. I ended up getting so much done that I finished it! Nothing fancy, not nearly as wide as my driveway is without snow. But more than enough room for car and nearly the full length. I was able to accomplish something I don’t remember ever doing in the entire 7 years I’ve lived here. I was married the 1st winter, then after I got divorced my dad took over using a shovel or snowblower depending on the years (We are neighbors) and one winter a roommate/friend got the lovely job. Now don’t get me wrong, I have tried a few times over the years to do it myself. The first couple times I couldn’t do it. I am embarrassed to say it but I physically could not do it. That sucks when your in your early 20’s and can’t handle something like that. However, The last time I did try to shovel on my own. I got yelled at. It was a couple years ago and I felt bad because the snowblower had quit working. I took my cough medicine, bundled up like the kid in a “A Christmas Story”, stuffed my pockets with tons of tissues, and made my way outside. I was doing okay of a job. I got about 10 feet of my driveway done in probably a half hour. Okay, so my car was parked in that 10 feet area. But still I was on my way. Then I got to the point just beyond my trailer. Didn’t give it a second thought until my 2 minutes later my dad showed up. Took the shovel out of my hand and said to me “You need to get your butt inside. You don’t need to be out here doing this. Your already sick. Do you want to catch an pneumonia?” At least that’s how I remember it, the details are kinda fuzzy. I was on medication. J
That was it, my snow shoveling experience. And even this time as I answered about all the snow we had gotten I was still being told to not met with it. If my dad had his way I would have had my driveway plowed. But a girls gotta go what a girls gotta do. So I did.

My big point to all this? That I did it!! I was able to physically get the job done. I could not have been able to accomplish this before I lost weight. The Hottub is really calling my name now. But it will be so much more worth it.

What I found when I made it back into the house is a whole separate post.
Until next time
~Princess Jenn~

New Year starting with a fill.

So I put off doing this post for a while. This past Tues (12/29) I seen Dr K. That was 3 weeks after my last appt. I was so nervous about this appt. I had lost a few pounds at my appt on Dec 8th after like 7 weeks. But this time I only had 3 weeks. Well Princess Jenn did better. I went back with a 5 pound loss.
After the last few appts not wanting a fill. I was ready. We held off because of all the issues I had been having with my restriction being too much or not enough. I got a .2cc fill. Now I'm up to 4.4cc. Woohoo! And so far so good. I feel good. i am able to tolerate food and less of it.

I guess one thing that bears mentioning. I feel hopeful for this new year and what it holds.
But now I gotta go. Time to clock out of work.
Until next time.
~ Princess Jenn ~